10 years a Sex Partner 20 Years a friend

Rob, Melissa and I, all met in high school ... Melissa was Slim,TomBoy type... Always wore Jordan's, Sweats or Semi tight Jeans,Always wore a cap on her head or had her hair wrapped with bobby pins and a head tie .. She always smelled like baby powder and wore nothing more than Vaseline or blistex on her Lips. She had a Mole above the Left side of her Lip and she was left handed..... Her Father and mother were both Dreads and smoked weed... Not to sure where they were from tho ...She had an ill sense of Humor and perfectly Straight teeth and pink gums... I remember her Gums..She was always laughing.. A March Pisces.. Feisty lil thing .. We all loved her so much.. We all wanted her...But there was only one guy that cringed her blood flow.. That was Roberto Valentino... He didn't look like a Roberto so we called him Rob or Ro... A real cool nigga. Parents had money or something because he was always fly, me, I was fly but his fly was One step higher.. We was Cool, He liked to play ball with me at gym time .. He didn't say much to me but I could tell he respected me.. I always scored either the most points or second highest Behind him... When we were 15 he was already 6'1 so I knew he would top out at 6'4... He was a Good dancer and was the first to get a car in the school .. "Ughhhh" we all hated him that day....He was a Capricorn... Pretty serious Student, but kinda Arrogant .. I, on the other hand, was a class Clown.. My mind moves 100 miles per hour .. I couldn't keep still so I would talk off my energy...My humor developed early and Melissa, (I called her Mel,) would sit there all day and laugh at everything I said and would get in trouble with me... In this, it was my only way I ever had leverage over Rob... He wasn't a joke teller and he didn't know how to be silly... Just mainly Sarcastic. He hated when she laughed at my jokes.. I'd see it all in his demeanor.. I remember trying to dumb down my humor when I was around them both just so that it wouldn't cause tension .. Nevertheless Mel and I became close friends so she confided in me.. One of the hardest days of my life was 11th grade, I'd never forget it.. Mel pulls me into the staircase and tells me Rob Took her virginity last night... Now at this moment, Devastation is an understatement .. I felt like I died.. But I played it cool, I had to control my breathing...she asked me.."Jay are you ok....."oh by the way my name is Jason but they call me jay for short" ...  I guess because of my mood change she can see I was affected by it... That was her first hint ...by the time senior year came,  I grew up a lot.. I had come into my own, voice changed, Body changed .. I was getting pussy now.. And was one of the most powerful in school next to Rob of course .. And we got a lot closer especially since I kinda kept a lil distance between me and Mel...it really hurt her ..but I felt that if me and Rob would ever be real cool I had to change the relationship just to soothe his ego.... And besides, she didn't choose me so it was easy .. Talk about ego Huh... I was hurt but I got past it, but I never stopped lusting her although I was under control ... I'd lose it all for her... Getting closer to Rob I can see that he grew a dogs tail pretty quickly once we got into college .. I mean for any man that's High School to College transition is hard when your in a relationship .. It's a completely new dynamic of women .. With a different dynamic of possibilities sexually ... He gave in quick ... I went wild also but I didn't have a girl to lie to or break her heart so I was in my right to experience things .....I watched him break her heart over and over again ... She oddly stayed... I never knew why but she did .. That lowered my respect for her.. I seen that as weakness... But she had hope.. One time he got her and another girl pregnant at the same time.., when Mel found out she was so stressed and nearly lost the baby but she went away to her mom in North Carolina when she took some time away .. They had a beautiful son.. No one knows what happened to that other girl tho.. He won't tell anyone, not even me.. I heard it was a baby girl and the mom relocated wanting nothing to do with Rob.. Kinda fucked up if you ask me... But inevitably me and Mel got close again after that because she needed her friend .. And I was that so of course me and Rob's friendship failed ... .. She would always call me and ask me for lil favors since Rob never wanted to do anything for her or with her.. He took her for granted ...I thought he was crazy ... Because Mel's body and filled out nice... A year afta that baby her belly was completely Flat again .. Hips and titties grew,her ass Grew.. It was amazing ..He would tell her how to dress and how not to dress but was never out with her .. 

Mel and I would hang out in secrete and Smoke weed and drink and talk shit for hours.. This one night she changed my life.. She was eager to tell me that she knows I think she's naïve and that she's dumb for staying ... But she also wanted me to know that within the time she was with Rob she had sex with 7 other men... Shocked as hell I somehow was turned on by her excursions.. Just knowing that she explored herself sexually turned me on very much.. She was no longer this simple innocent  naïve young lady.. She was also a freak.. Right up my alley..she began to tell me all of these really erotic things she was into stuff that Rob will never do with her.. Stuff that he didn't even know she was into.. I sat there in amazement and thought " how clever is It to be, completely....... unseen, when your right under the nose of love"when you think you know your lover .. When you believed they have become complacent .. They have an entire different mask of action .. Like a ninja .. Stealthy. "I want her so bad" my heart is racing so fast sending blood straight to my penis causing the most uncontrollable erection ... She grabs for it because she sees it and all I can do is think of how wrong this is....but there's no way I'm backing down ... I felt the comfort knowing she had filth in her like me.. Like Rob.. I'm not too sure why .. But everything was easier .. We did the most disgusting sexual things to each other .. We had sex about 4-5 days a week the first year we started .. She eventually left Rob so now a huge weight was lifted... We were now 25.. She made it clear to me how she felt but because I didn't want it get into anything serious with her because of our obvious past and Rob being in the middle of it, I had to kind of create a safe zone where our intimacy was kept private, and that no form of jealousy would come in between us ... I was always ambiguous about that decision .. This left her an incredible gap to date whoever she wanted, And at no time did we ever stop having sex.. It was our comfort and it's was a big part of being friends ... She went through a phase for 2 and a half years of liking girls .. A woman's mid 20s is filled with unthinkable desires .. She would bring girls to me all the time .. She liked to watch.. She would say "it makes me love you more" "I love looking at you" "it makes me want to be more dirty for you" I was in love with this girl.. She was so pleasing in a dark way.. I was excited by her... I was afraid of her.. There's was one time she had a girls night over.. 6 girls plus her, 7 in total... She calls me over.. When I get there and I see all these women in her house I get curious as to what's about to take place ...  She walks me in the room and says to me .." I want you to fuck me in front of them" I just start taking my clothes off one time.. I did whatever she wanted .. We walk in the living room and we lay on the floor 69 position .. Then once we heated up we start having sex and I have her on her back, legs spread and choking her... I literally watch about 4 girls play with themselves and each other right in front of me.. One of the most erotic experiences she gave me... Later I found out it wasn't a girls night .. It was My Night. She rented out hotels for us often .. She always smelled the best .. She was considerate.. Would rub my feet for me... She would lotion my skin afta I came out the shower...5 years in and I'm in love .. But we both kept this within a friendship .. There's no jealousy at least none that we can express .. And we still go out on dates with other people .. We don't really talk much about what happens .. Somehow we just know .. When she has sex with someone else she stays away from me for a wile but would call me everyday ..  I do it too,I got that from her... But we always came back... She would tell me " "I can't stop having sex with you cuz no one does it like you" I loved hearing that .. I loved knowing that ... Now 30... Her period doesn't come for about a month ... She tells me she's pregnant but she's not keeping it ..  I couldn't believe it .. I said" who gets an abortion in their fucking 30s" I was angry. She didn't want to be another baby mama she claimed ..  To myself I thought " you could never be.... I'm always here" but she wanted us to be together completely in the open, and I just couldn't ..  I didn't want people to think we was messed up for dating later knowing Rob was my friend at one time I regret that so much ..but I didn't want her to be ridiculed... But we continued our sexual relationship till about 34/35, comfort sex is what we called it .. Just guaranteed pleasure and comfort ...she eventually met a man.. A older man, well adjusted and stable.. She kinda figured a way to stop seeing me.. I think she did it for him .. Maybe she loved him.. I'd like to think that maybe she loved me so much she attempted to do the noble thing and wish happiness for me with someone else ... Since we could never be.. Maybe she tried to lead by example...I always hoped she fantasied about me when she was with him ... He proposed to her and the day before she got married she wrote me an email... It simply said" it should of been us" ...... 

I feel like my life has not moved one inch since she's moved on.. Seeing her happy with someone else has in the end proven that there is no time to decide on  love... You hold on to what's feeling the best, if we worry about what others may think or feel then the possibility of emotional fulfillment decreases and emotional turmoil increases ... Sometimes when you have the best lover your life has ever found .. The world comes and takes her from you cause you weren't man enough to fight for her ...I'm learning that tho, and maybe my time is close..  

Sincerely yours: Jason Alexander @chrisdread

"I've grown past small talk .. Just so tired of it .., stop texting me.. Call!! Let's talk intimately about who we are... My Goodness!!!  I'm right here, a real human with real feelings and dreams .. Ask me about them !! Ask me my fears and my pleasures .. Ask me where I see myself in the next 5 years or 5 days or 5 minutes... Ask about my fantasies, because that's the questions I want to ask you.. Ask about my weakness or my turmoils ... Ask about my family .. Or how many names I have or what hand do I use ...Listen, I wana know you.. I wana know who is standing in front of me .. How can you be interested in me, how can you wana date me and have sex with me when you haven't asked me one meaningful question yet.. I don't wana talk about reality TV, or Something on Instagram.. I don't wana talk about money or anything Superficial .. I don't wana talk about celebrities .. I wana talk about you and me.". @chrisdread

Black Gentlemen ... Do not change and adjust yourself for society .. You are a king .. Society has changed because of you ..  Do not change to suffice the curiosity of a female.. Queens Love originality,authenticity and truth .. A whore is paid for and sold .. She is not worth the Annihilation of your character ... Being in the position of a king is to know the difference between a woman that is Earned or Paid for... A Queen is the completion to your legacy .. You will not pay for beauty by supporting her superficial needs .. You will shun those actions and teach her from your compassions.. We have to regain our position in society by living in the light of truth and Nobility .. @chrisdread 

You wana know what it's like to be a man and date a chick with a fat ass with the tites and spandex and lusty ass pics on social sites and have her insert herself every single day into the world of superficiality and watch men gawk overall her everyday and  subjectify her as a fuck,despite the constant display of her delusional relationship ... ... Ok all the big dick niggaz{including nyself} should go out every day with no draws on and wear tight front pants or soft pants and allllll day every day show the huge dick print and let ya dick swing back and forth as u walk and have women gawk over ya man cock and subjectify him and see if being in a relationship with a man that constantly everyday promotes his big dick for the world to see and u tell me if his value would be the same as a man who would just dress more conservative .. .... Cuz yall have women lust over ya man cuz of how he dress or what car he have or how much money he spend or how handsome his face is but we don't walk out on a daily basis showing our big cocks for all the world to see .. So imagine u have a man that has completely no mystery none!!! Like none of u woman have mystery today. .. Every man woman and child knows what half of you out here look like naked,there's no honor in that there's no victory in having u at the end of the night.... 

Now don't get me wrong I love a fat ass and some side boob pic ... But what I'm doing is playing devils advocate ... Showing u the sociological inverse ... Dating a man that did that would be such a turn off until it became a social norm then yall would just have to deal with " jut like how real men deal with it now ...imagine having to say "ok my man shows his dick on a daily basis to the world .." He wouldn't be unique .. At all .. Men know exactly what yall bodies look like cuz yall naked all day everyday in images .. And please  with the "not every girl shit" yall know who yall are .. Food for thought tho ..,men are not loving yall as deep as they should, they don't respect yall the way they should and men don't honor women they way they once did and there's a cluster of reasons and visually this is one ..@chrisdread

Real humble men don't call themselves humble out loud ... Your actions and lifestyle proves that's .... Now a days niggaz calling themselves humble wile they post and boast about the shit they got.... Your humble is broken .. Talking bout you a real Nigah.. How you real when ya life is a lie, a façade.. You ain't earn it nor learn it.. ,@chrisdread  

It's Friday night ... And they both already made up their mind that their spending time with other people later just cheating on each other, then spend the day Saturday having brunch taking pics of the plate of food taking bout out with the Bae... That's those social site relationships tho... Real lovers Spent the day at work Dying to get home  to see each other ... Cuddle all night make love .. Then go to the same place to have brunch and take pics but ain't post not a damn one .. Because their love is authentic not some charade.. @chrisdread 

The beauty in her face has nothing to do with the miseries in her heart ... You just never know sometimes ...if her mission was to be strong that's exactly what she'll be...but if her mission is just to play victim, that's what she'll become ..@chrisdread

Most men at some point has loved a woman that has belonged to another man .. And most women at some point loved a man that belonged to another woman .... Do the noble thing and stay the fuck out their way....@chrisdread  

As ordinary as it sounds ...The most successful relationship comes from the result of 2 people actually WANTING TO BE IN IT...  If there's any partial doubt about the love u have for the person or doubt that you can be committed then it will show .. I mean if you know you may still be tempted to cheat or lie then the obvious will happen .. Having a person in ya life is great but hurting someone when u didn't have to is unacceptable ... @chrisdread  

The most frustrating thing to see is a woman blissfully happy with a man that treats her like shit ...@chrisdread

It's as if, at a certain point of maturity you can see everything around you in like a grid... A humane system design that you begin to comprehend ... You not only feel human emotion but you can see it, hear it and taste it ... You can predict action,so noticing a move 7 steps ahead of others,you seem impatient ... You can follow directions and solve problems so much faster than others, you come off arrogant ... Now your not getting along, you don't feel like you fit in anywhere... This bothers you, but because your at this echelon you understand why and quickly discipline yourself in not getting to emotional about your feelings of displacement .... You try to distract it sexually .. You have sex alot and explicitly ..  You love sex because it brings you directly to the core of yourself .. Ecstasy we call it.. Sex is one way to feel most alive .. And very self aware.. This feels amazing to you ... These are just some of the ways that I can describe the feeling of me being here before ..@chrisdread